Dumb Choices From the Heart
by AliLamba
Summary: One-Shot, Sawyer/Kate/Jack // In the end, they didn't make her choose... Written for the LJ comm lostfichallenge, "Beginnings and Endings." Jack, Kate and Sawyer are rescued and try to live together, becoming my OT3. Smut-tastic.


**DUMB CHOICES FROM THE HEART  
****By:** AliLamba  
**Rated:** NC-17 (there be smut, oh God…there be_ not nice_ smut)  
**Pairing:** Sawyer-Kate-Jack  
**Thanks: **To Jess (aka VIRGOGIRL32) for beta. She's awesome. And written AMAZING Jate smut. Just sayin.  
**AN:** If you're looking for a reason not to read this, I'm a Jater by trade. But I'll be the first to point out how much the Skate overwhelms the Jate in this. I'm trying to allow myself to be freer with my Lost pairing, and this was my first venture into something not purely wish-fulfilment-ly Jate. Needless to say, this is of course wish-fulfilment, though I don't really care, my dream last night was that friggen hot. I don't have a good enough word yet for Sawyer-Kate-Jack (Jawe? Kajawyer? Er. SKACK) but it's uh…it's very much the three of them, what I could see if they all were rescued and left the Island together with no Aaron.

Anyway, I really hope you read. This is perhaps the smuttiest smut I think I've ever written…and I liked it. The title comes from Grandaddy's song "This is How it Always Starts" with is brilliant for rhyming that line with said title. Plus, it's just brilliant.

* * *

In the end, they didn't make her choose. Couldn't make her choose, when they both loved her so much. When the rescue boat finally arrived, Kate had taken Jack's hand, looked up so happily and hopefully at him, and then…realizing that Sawyer was watching them… Kate's expression must've changed, because Jack looked past her towards him, and nodded.

They both walked over towards where Sawyer was standing, frozen and almost hurt, and Kate took his hand.

It wasn't something that could've been gotten used to overnight. They had to go back to Jack's place at first—Kate didn't have anything in LA, and Sawyer's "home" couldn't accommodate three grown people (let alone one). And while Kate seemed to accept this part of Jack's being, Sawyer felt uncomfortable walking over the pristine carpets and hardwood floors, getting water from a stainless steel tap in a Pottery Barn glass.

Jack and Kate wanted to go immediately to bed, but Sawyer lingered behind. They tried to draw him with them, but he resisted. And when the sounds of their obvious love making reached him through the open bedroom door, Sawyer's eyes widened in pain, and shock, and anger at himself for thinking something like this could work.

Sawyer fell asleep on the couch that first night, though you could hardly call it that. Kate wandered in at some point, and just hearing her footsteps, her soft _"hey_"--he'd jolted awake like they were still on the Island_._ She didn't seem phased by this, just settled down next to him in the space he'd made from sitting upright, drawing knees up to her chin, and peering out Jack's wide windows at the darkened LA skyline.

"You're still here," she whispered, almost, though her voice was hoarse with misuse, and…use.

Until she said it, he hadn't realized it was true, or what that implied.

"Yeah, well…" he paused, a little ruefully, his gaze finding the middle distance. "Maybe I keep thinking that we're going to lift all Jack's stuff and drive off into the sunset."

She frowned at him and his tone, quickly, harshly, knowing he was joking and not liking it anymore. Sawyer sighed.

"Yeah…what would I do with a Kitchenaid mixer anyway."

This made her smile, and he was glad—even more so when Kate leaned over, and snuggled against him, tucking her head under his chin. They were silent for a long while, and Sawyer thought that maybe she had fallen asleep, until…

"We could make this work, you know? This could…this could be a beginning…"

Sawyer felt his muscles still, and forced himself to snort a little. "A beginning," he deadpanned.

She nudged her elbow into his side, just below the ribcage. "Hey, don't make fun." She sobered, and then started drawing small circles over his bare chest. "I'm just sayin'. I…I know I'm not…makin' this easy…but I want it to work, y'know?"

He knew. He understood more than she'd ever say out loud, to him, and she understood that she wouldn't have to.

Kate's hands started to move more insistently over his chest, fingers splaying over the hard, smooth expanse. It felt nice, dangerously nice, her hot breath shaky as it came over one of his nipples. Sawyer felt his pace quicken, as suddenly all her curves spoke of their pressure against his body. Her hands dipped lower, until…until… With a stifled groan he let his head tilt back, as her fingers massaged his hardening length through his jeans. It had been awhile, almost too long…almost…too… She was fumbling at the buckle of his jeans, the zipper flying down…

"_Freckles_…"

But then she stopped. He thought it was just one of her tricks of foreplay, so he didn't open his eyes for awhile, until the cold vacuum of her leaving shocked his senses.

"Whoa, Freckles—"

One look at her face told him she knew what she'd been doing. It brought a distinct frown to Sawyer's features, though it must've looked more like an angry pout, because she bit her lip against a broad smile.

"Oh, that's not funny, Freckles."

She raised her head and glanced to the ceiling, letting all the world see her playful shrug. When she was in control enough to not burst out giggling, she held a hand to him. "C'mon," she impelled, simply.

Sawyer's eyes narrowed at her hand in mock skepticism. "Now're you feedin' me to the lions? Or the lambs."

She rolled her eyes, but the smile still stuck in place. "Well, unless you want a permanent case of blue balls, I'd say that you don't really get a choice."

That humbled him a little, and with a telling falter of his cool smile, he grabbed her hand and stood. His jeans fell to the floor, and for a moment, he realized he wasn't expecting them to.

But Kate wouldn't let him pick them back up, as she started walking backwards, checking behind her now and again for unseen obstacles, making her way towards the bedroom.

When Sawyer realized this, he started to protest.

"Hey, now wait a minute Freckles."

"Oh, stop being such a girl. Do you want to make this work or not?"

Sawyer dug his heels into the ground when they were on the hearth of the bedroom door. "Well, if I'm going to be insulted," he started rhetorically, and Kate recognized his jest.

"I'm serious, Sawyer. I want to make this work. Jack is willing to try…and we thought…we thought you were willing to try…"

The vulnerable, hopeful tone in her voice made him want to swoop down and hug her, but he resisted, merely rubbed his thumb over their joined hands. "Yeah, well…I can't say that I've had experience in this, Freckles."

"You really think Jack has?"

"Wait, _you have_?"

The smile broke her lips again, and she let out a small exhale of a laugh before shaking her head. "All I'm saying is that I don't want you to leave. And Jack, for what it's worth, is willing to accept you."

Sawyer cast a dubious look into the dark shadows of the bedroom, his expression allowing a flash of something vulnerable, before he schooled his features into something more playful. "Yeah, well, maybe I don't want some queer fondling me when I'm sleepin'."

Kate stepped on his foot—hard—and a look at her face proved it wasn't an accident. "Come on now. That's not fair, and you know it. So stop being an asshole, and just _come to bed_."

He stalled, under the guise nursing his injured foot. But Kate saw through it, and she only folded her arms over her chest, and glared at him expectantly.

Slowly, he unfolded himself upright, and looked again into the impression of the bedroom. Jack was in there, somewhere, splayed on a bed he himself had paid for. In a few days, he would be going back to a job he had earned, where he would be welcomed with coffeecake and jubilant hugs from pretty women in pastel colored scrubs who wouldn't give a guy like Sawyer the time of day unless he covered himself with a lie. For a moment, Sawyer wanted to grab Kate, compel her to run away with him, to lead a life they were used to. Not all this. Not decaf coffee, laundry, and…and honesty. But Kate…this is what she wanted. Him, and…_and_ Jack.

So with one last glance to Kate, Sawyer grabbed his junk protectively, and made his way into the darkness.

* * *

"Ugghhhhh…" Sawyer groaned, as sunlight splashed through his closed eyelids immediately, the quick sound of someone yanking curtains open an afterthought.

He rolled over, looking for respite, until his body pressed against another. And with one touch, of Sawyer's thigh sliding over a sculpted, hairy other thigh…he woke up.

"Whoa!" he yelled, almost like a little girl. He jumped back, limbs flailing until he was half-sitting up, sheets irrevokably tangled around his waist and legs. Jack had done something similar, though his escape from the bed had been more futile. By the time both men could hear Kate's eruption of giggles from the window, Jack had almost fallen out of the bed, very busy struggling to yank the sheets from under the mattress, not yet realizing that it was his own weight that was impeding the process. Both men sobered when they heard Kate, but their gazes darted around the room, glancing off each other awkwardly.

Sawyer tried to laugh, and not look at Jack. "Doc, I uh…I think you might need a bigger bed."

Jack tried to laugh as well, as he stopped what he was doing to rest a hand against his forehead. He closed his eyes against the wry sort of smile that stretched his mouth. "Yeah, I think you're right."

"Or _maybe_," Sawyer's voice was teasing, "_Maybe_ our little buffer should just _stay in bed_."

Kate's laughter abated to the point where she could form words. "Oh, that's all I'm good for now, huh?"

Both men smiled, though neither saw the other.

"Well, if you're already up Kate, I think your punishment should be to make the coffee."

Kate's jaw dropped open as both she and Sawyer turned towards Jack, but her smile still tipped the corners of her mouth up. "Jack!" she said, her voice almost scandalized, "Oh, don't tell me this is how it's going to be—you both against me."

Jack saw Sawyer looking at him, and grinned to match the blonde's. "Doc's right, Freckles. You do the crime, you gotta do the time."

Laughing, muttering something that sounded distinctly like "_mutiny_," Kate padded in bare feet from the room, until the sounds of cupboards opening and shutting came through the open door.

They sat like they were for a long moment, both listening as Kate found some sort of coffee, and the sounds of it grinding whirred from the next room. It seemed to shock both men from whatever groggy stupor they were in.

"So, uh…mornin', doc."

Jack laughed, a little ruefully, "Yeah, morning Sawyer."

Sawyer sunk back against the sheets, his eyes closing, mind aching for the extra few moments of sleep he could afford.

Jack cleared his throat. "Uh…" he started, unintelligently. Sawyer opened one eye and looked him up and down.

"What, I got cooties or somethin'?"

That got another shallow laugh, but Jack just shook his head. "No, I uh…I was thinking about getting up."

The corners of Sawyer's mouth dipped into a frown. "So get the hell up, doc. Geez, you don't need my permission."

But Jack didn't say anything, so after a moment, Sawyer opened his eyes, finding the doctor staring at him pointedly. Sawyer looked the man up and down again, through the thin lining of the sheets…and it became very clear, that the man wasn't wearing anything underneath.

A rush of shame, of near embarrassment shook Sawyer. Without breathing, Sawyer sprung from the bed, and started deliberately towards the door. "Right, doc. Might need a codeword for that."

Jack laughed, but Sawyer didn't wait to hear it.

* * *

A few days later, and the awkwardness wasn't much eased. Sawyer had found himself being almost _too_ joking, the nicknames and witticisms always on the tip of his tongue.

The apartment still felt too small for the three of them, especially as Jack and Kate seemed insistent on exploring every crevice of it. It wasn't that they were trying to exclude him from anything, just that…well…

He and Kate would start getting into it, a casual touch over a televised game of baseball leading to another, and then another, until touches became far from casual, kisses demanding some sort of pleasure. And when he was sure that Kate was ready for him to start peeling off her clothes, when his stubble was raking over the soft skin of her neck, she would whisper, breathily into his ear, for _Jack—what about—what about Jack…_

It was something of a buzz kill.

So Sawyer spent a good amount of time out of the apartment. He actually went through a few columns of 'help wanted' adds, when it looked like Jack was getting closer to going back to work.

They started making a habit of eating together every night. Jack and Kate liked to cook, which was good, because Sawyer was crap at it, though that hardly stopped him from sitting at the kitchen counter, shooting barbs and jokes at their expense over shared glasses of wine. At night, Kate dutifully took the middle position, though this quickly presented its own problems, as she wasn't really much for being squished between two men. They'd lasted two and a half nights of awkward sleep before they all made the group trek to finding a bigger bed.

They'd tried to joke about it, making it out to be something similar to an adventure on the Island, but the game hadn't lasted long. At the mattress store, Jack had preferred firm, while Sawyer preferred soft, and it was something humbling for Sawyer to realize he wouldn't be paying for it anyway. Kate seemed to realize when this struck him, because before he could shake off his sorry trance, she was there, winding her arm around his and finding his hand. Pressing a kiss against his cheek, and then his lips, drawing him out when the kiss became less than innocent.

* * *

It was morning, and they were all smiling and giggling at each other in the mirror as they all brushed their teeth, making faces to amuse one another. It was almost a week into their arrangement, and Kate had forced Sawyer out of bed so they could all see Jack off to his first day back at the hospital. They were in suitable disarray—Jack and Sawyer were now comfortable enough to sleep and walk around in pajama pants and boxers, and Kate liked to flit around the apartment in tank tops and a pair of either of the men's underwear. It was cute, neither could deny it, as much as they couldn't deny how each of them tried to discern whose pair it was.

Kate finished brushing her teeth first, and spat all the foam into the sink, gargling loudly so as to keep up the mood. She turned and perched herself on the counter when she was done, watching both Jack and Sawyer finish rinsing their own mouths before turning to her expectantly.

Both men considered Kate something of a ring leader. They both looked to her to define their relationship, and so far, it had worked.

"You hungry, Freckles?"

Kate rocked a little, leaning forward over her knees, and then back, her hands anchored on the counter's ledge to prevent her falling. She nodded, though a strange smile spread over her face.

Sawyer glanced quickly to Jack, a bit confused, but the doctor wasn't looking at him. His soft gaze was focused on Kate, as if he understood something intrinsic that Sawyer did not. The feeling made his heart sink a little, and he looked back to Kate.

But she was already looking at him.

"Sawyer," she murmured, drawing a hand towards him. He unquestioningly followed, taking the hand she placed upon his chest, drawing it to his lips and kissing her fingertips. She smiled, her eyelids fluttering just a little, and curled her hand around his, tugging him closer to her, until their thighs touched at right angles. Turning her body towards him, a little, her other hand wound around his neck and drew him closer. Before he could think otherwise, could consider anything outside the tunnel vision of her soft, beautiful face…their lips touched. Kate's started moving, and Sawyer responded readily, perhaps quicker than he would have had he not been stunted so many times…so many times over the last _damned_ week…

Her mouth opened with hot breath, inviting his tongue, her own rolling past his teeth. Hers found his enough to actually…stroke it, the distinct movements from the tip to the base of the private muscle, reminding him, oh so easily, of others…

Her hand found his cock through the two layers of cotton, and she mimicked the movements, until Sawyer's breath was more than shaky, but shuddering, the electric warmth of blood rushing south. He wanted to touch her, so badly and a moan spilled from his throat, desperately into her mouth. Sawyer dropped his toothbrush and turned fully towards her, hands almost twitching to feel her bare flesh.

But other hands were already there. Jack's warm, exact fingers were on her waist, sliding the tank top up her sides until they gathered under her breasts.

_No_. Sawyer's mind screeched to a halt, and he pulled back—but Kate's arm was still around his neck, and she refused to let him go far. Her hand yanked at the elastic waist of his bottoms, and his erection touched the air conditioning of the bathroom for barely a second before Kate's warm, pliant fingers enveloped the length. It shook the breath from him, and he stopped trying to resist, Kate's hand traveling deftly from base, to luscious tip. He wanted her, so God damned bad.

_Jack_.

"_Fuck!_" Sawyer yelled, as he ripped himself away from them. Kate's lips were swollen, her gaze not shocked but hooded. Jack's hands had found her breasts, his thumbs slowly circling her small, hard nipples, his head bowed against the tendons between her shoulder and neck. She arched against him, but her arms reached out towards Sawyer, beckoning him, as much as she could, back into their fold.

Sawyer's cock twitched, begged for attention, his breathing escaping on puffs of ingratitude. _No_, he forced his mind to accept, swallowing hard, regret pouring down his spine. _No, I can't_. He stepped back, away from them, until his bare skin pushed against the cool sheet of glass that was the shower door. Not thinking, Sawyer yanked the door open, pushing himself inside and slamming on the water—as cold as it could go.

On the other side, Kate grabbed Jack's hand to stop him, and turned towards him, their kisses coming together fluidly. But Kate was pulling back, and Jack's hands fell. When he opened his eyes, he found her pale green ones looking at him, exasperated through the melting shade of desire. It was then that he heard the shower running, could flick his gaze past her shoulder to see Sawyer not there.

Jack's head bowed again, this time into the hollow space between their bodies.

He didn't want to…but for Kate, he'd promised he would. And what's a serious 'no' without trying…? An end without a beginning…?

Jack reclaimed her lips, which were at first a little resistant, pulling her against his chest until she wrapped her thighs around his waist. There wasn't much strength involved in taking her weight, and he did so, one hand winding under the curve of her ass as he lifted her above his near painfully sensitized erection. His stubble scratched her face, he knew, but she didn't pull away, hands only winding around his neck, elbows resting so she could slide her hands up the base of his skull, over his head, angling him so her tongue could delve deeper…_please_…she whimpered…_please_…

Her bared back crashed against the pane of glass, cold throughout, the steady beat of water pulsing against the other side. Jack's hand slipped between them until he found the crux of her thighs, applying the pressure he knew she liked, stroking her intimately between her folds, touching her through the thin sheet of wet cotton. His thumb found her clit, and he pressed against it almost painfully, Kate's mouth wresting from his as her neck fell back, and she unleashed a low, desperate moan.

Jack's strokes came faster, more desperate, zigzagging up and down, the cotton a sick sort of foreplay when she could feel everything, the blood below her abdomen giving near painfully insistent throbs. Her breath struggled from her lungs, and her chest heaved, only enticed Jack's mouth to capture a nipple between his teeth, to suckle, drag his tongue over the pearled, hard knob.

Kate felt her thighs shaking, could feel her orgasm lift her heart into her lungs, and started resisting, pulling back against him. _No_, she wanted to say aloud, _no, we need—we need to do this…_

With a strangled moan, Jack dropped her to the ground, enough to rip the boxers from her hips to the floor. He flipped her, hand dipping around her hips, into her wetness to test. The sharp probe of his hand only made her yell in some sort of hungry protest, _no, not yet!_ But Jack couldn't wait. He grabbed her waist, one hand winding below her abdomen, to drag her off the ground. Her ass rested against his pelvis, his cock sliding between her thighs, against her dripping folds, and a low, deep shudder echoed down her torso, into her sex.

With one, deep thrust, he pulled himself into her core, and Kate lost it. Her hands scrambled for the top of the shower door, for some kind of leverage, as Jack maintained their coupling. Orgasm was riding over her wave after wave, Jack's thrusts pushing her against the glass almost painfully.

She was barely aware of Sawyer on the other side…

Though Sawyer was wildly aware of her.

Their moans spilled past the rushing water, forcing Sawyer to recognize them. _No_, he wanted to breath, his cock throbbing as her breasts pressed against the glass, heaving as Jack drove himself inside her. _No_, he tried to convince himself, even as his hand drifted towards himself, hand enveloping his shaft, starting to stroke himself unconsciously. _No_, he couldn't hear his mind say, as his breath went shallow, his hand pumping harder and stronger, his mind going dizzy as the blood left it, fueled his hands into moving harder against his cock. _No, fuck, no_, _fuck…fuck…__**fuck**_**…fuck.**

His breathing hitched, spilled from his mouth as the cum flooded his cock, and in one, shameful spurt, it left him, Sawyer's hands pumping himself to make the sensations last, to make it all so fuckin' worth it.

Kate's chest against the glass started to slow, the breasts dragging against the pane starting to slide lower, until it was clear that Jack had finished too. Before he sunk to the ground, Sawyer managed to hit the handle to turn the threads of water off.

When it was quiet, and Kate drew herself away from the door, it opened. The vacuum of cold air should've been harsher against his skin, but it somehow wasn't.

Seeing him sitting so dejectedly against the tile floor, Kate smiled—the effect not sad, but quietly knowing. He didn't have to think about it for too long, though. Kate bit her lip, and, not looking back to Jack, peeled her tank top over her head and threw it out of Sawyer's line of sight. She stepped inside, completely naked, her sex slicked with liquid nearly at his eye-level. He stared at it, unabashedly, for a few seconds, and then looked up at her quietly smiling face. And without speaking, she slowly lifted her hand towards him.

She allowed him to stare at it, just look, at what it meant. And slowly, without meaning to, Sawyer took it. It was mostly his power that compelled him upright, his back sliding against the tiled wall, and when he was standing, their hands still clasped, her open face looking up at him…he kissed her. Softly, barely a glance of their lips.

She grinned against him, practically beamed, and then her arms were winding around his neck exuberantly, crushing their bodies together. With an awkward, humbled sort of lop-sided grin, Sawyer felt himself hardening again, and pulled her back.

"This is a really fucked up beginning," he threatened, hollowly, and it only made her laugh, a wet sort of happy laugh that nevertheless made him smile in return. When he managed to look past her, he saw Jack leaning against the door frame, equally nude as the rest of them. The doctor let Sawyer explore the sight of him, betraying no sense of bashfulness, just the calm acceptance that this is what they were going to do.

With a firm, curt nod, Sawyer raised his hand from the small of Kate's back, and held it out to him.

Jack's grin was quiet, simple, and pleased, and he took it, pulling himself into the small shower as well. He pressed himself against Kate's back, his hands slipping against Sawyer's shower-wet sides, until they clasped together loosely at the small of the other man's back.

Kate let out another happy, wet laugh, and she squeezed Sawyer's torso. "I love you," she said, to no one in particular, and it drew Sawyer and Jack's gaze together, where they looked over her head in shared understanding.

They didn't kiss then. It would be another month before that happened accidentally over a bottle of expensive Scotch, and another two weeks after that before the act was deliberate, but the two men's gaze was fond then, simply accepting.

"I love you, too."

**End notes:** I know, it gets sort of ambiguously sentimental at the end. I couldn't help it! I'm not good at ending smut, yet. Kate strikes me as a little OOC, but it's happy Kate, so…yeah. Maybe. Anyway. Leave a review if you have the time.

_Grandaddy – This is How it Always Starts_

This is how it always starts  
All order falls apart  
Okay, so who put this key in the mix?

Things were stable yesterday  
But now they're blown away  
Oh shit, I can't let them see me like this

Nothing sweet  
Nothing nice  
Nothing kiss, only fights

Nothing clear  
Nothing bright  
Nothing I'll feel tonight

Nothing great  
Nothing good  
Nothing is as it should

Nothing rad  
Nothing right  
Nothing I'll feel tonight

This is how it always starts  
Dumb choices from the heart  
Oh shit, I can't let them see me like this

Nothing sweet  
Nothing nice  
Nothing kiss, only fights  


Nothing clear  
Nothing bright  
Nothing I'll feel tonight

Nothing great  
Nothing good  
Nothing is as it should

Nothing rad  
Nothing right  
Nothing I'll feel tonight


End file.
